Should I stop writing?

Since a child, I was told to focus on Science subjects in order to be a doctor, or any stable jobs gaining respect and wealth.

I know Science is not for me. But I have never spoken out and been listened to. A little girl with a small voice, I couldn’t ask for more tragedies.

Writing was never my interest, as parents implanted in my mind that writing careers also means a willingness to take big financial risks. But somehow I always find the way into it. I started writing a lot since grade 8. A diary to while the time away everyday. An outright spurious FB status. A poem for a school competition. A 2000-word love story for a student newspaper. Whenever I’m oppressed, ignored or underestimated; writing is there so that in the end I get a say on what did happen. I can always feel a surge of excitement jingled inside me, a feeling of delight when my voice is listened and eagerly awaited.

During the last few years, an internship and non-profit organizations helped me get the true taste of the nature of content marketing and PR. The hours of brainstorming marketing strageties and editing articles made me understand the commitment and dedication needed to work in a communication field. A hobby gradually turned into an undying passion. I love playing with words. I love how I can take them apart and move them around to craft the perfect image of what I am trying to portray. I hope to hone my voice. I want others listen to my ideas and have their lives affected by the articles I write. For while the words I speak are heard only once, the words I write will be heard more times.

Everyone crave for attention, and so do I.

Since I knew the definition of copywriting, I’ve tried to throw myself into the market. I learned how to train a twisted mindset, to get all traits of virality and to follow creative writing prompts. I observed slices of life, mixing ideas together then adding twists into my pieces of writing. I kept pushing contents through not only my personal accounts but also a handful of social channels.

Having earned some fans, there were times I made a promise to myself that I’d love to write for commercial for the rest of my life. The idea of putting shocking headlines and twists, receiving tons of interaction and taking those numbers as rewards are way too tempting, not to mention how much I love to figure out how old and new media can work synergistically. Buyers tend to be more cynical of ads than in the early days of TV. Buying a slice of bread let consumers tap into their sense of philanthropy. Pursuing a T-shirt make millenial girls feel a fresh spin on confidence during puberty. Making people believe they have such power like these is my mission. And an instant success, was what I desire.

Everyone crave for attention, and so do I.

Bluntly, that’s not exactly how my life went on. The more I tried to get into the market by using storytelling and several creative writing techniques, the more I felt it hard to express my true feeling when it came to everyday situations. I made use of my sad love story to write descriptions for fashion collections. I came up with posts about my friend’s situation where a random product end up being a hero of the story. It’s good when you know how to take advantage of life materials, which is the heart of storytelling. Taylor Swift is praised thanks to this kind of talent. From the bottom of my heart, I occasionally wanted to tell people problems I was facing. But then I’d rather tell them in an indirect way, for fear that people could see through my weakness. I gradually got bored of writing. Sharing that dread with a sister, a content specialist I used to work with, I was told that although I could work across a range of styles from comedy to serious prose; I might not get big ideas across with storytelling that is bold, engaging and honest. Insecurities grew exponentially. Should I stop writing? Because every writing project I’ve ever worked on has come with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Writing isn’t easy, neither is writing for business.

No one is born a writer. We never keep learning how to write. I’m not an exception.

Write through the mess. Write through poor grammar and awkward tense changes and switches in point of view. That’s how we became writers. Feel the world by our words and write it down with upbeat hearts.

After all, I guess I won’t end my journey becoming a commercial writer here. I’ll be back soon, with a sharper sword. You can see how weak this last argument is and how lengthy a whole post is, since I don’t want to apply any promts into this. I t isn’t groundbreaking and perfect. But am I getting braver? As I feel like a small kid wanting to spread her voice to the world again.